Below is a blog post from Chris Spires, whose blog, “In Hot Pursuit of God,” I regularly follow. The transparency with which he shares his experience must have taken a bit of courage. It has been said that experience is the best teacher. While I believe that the Holy Spirit is by far the best teacher, experience may be one of the His most widely used tools. As a relatively young Christian in the faith, Chris’ words below show great wisdom and understanding. Women need to remember that we must do the equivalent for the men in our lives or we will face the same end.
Marriage Advice from a Single Guy
I’ve never been married. Came close once, but blew it. Years later, I’ve never come anywhere close again. I failed. There is a LOT to be learned in failure. Let me share a few of those things with you guys who think you’ve succeeded.
The “Big Things” make a marriage possible. The “Little Things” make a marriage successful…good…beautiful…and what God intended.
Never forget the “Little Things”.
For each of your wives that little thing you neglect may be something different:
For some, it may be bringing flowers home every Friday as a Thank You for all the wonderful work she’s done around the Home that week. It’s a small token and even if they don’t act like they appreciate it, they really do. Even those who don’t like flowers will appreciate it because it means you were thinking of them during your day and you thought enough of them to make the effort to bring home a token of your thoughts of them. It’s small, but it matters.
For others, it may be taking out the trash without being asked. I’m actually told they often see that as one of the sexiest things you can do too…talk about an Excellent ROI. LOL
For some, it may simply mean remembering the To-Do list you’ve discussed with her a dozen times before. You are part of the family right? You realize that means you have a part to do aside from going to work and coming home to sit in front of the tv? Remembering the To-Do list, and actually doing it, says to her that you are paying attention, your focus is on her and the family where it should be, and you’re happy to step up and do whatever needs to be done…even if the things she thinks needs to be done aren’t exactly the things you would have considered important. They’re important because she thinks they are…and aside from God…nothing is more important to you than she is. Right?
And for still others, it could be as simple as hearing you actually say the words, “I love you.” I have to say…if you can’t even pull that one off without a reminder you should really ask yourself if you deserve her at all. I mean seriously. You should have to fight looking like a wiener for saying that too often…not have trouble saying it at all.
Years of forgetting the “Little Things” can add up to big trouble.
Sure you’re in a true Christian marriage you may say. You might even be right. If that means what it’s supposed to mean then you don’t have to worry about her divorcing you. She’s yours. She signed the papers and took a biblical oath. Still though, people change. Circumstances change. Sometimes people just have enough and decide to cut their losses. It may not be biblical, but we’re all human and humans aren’t always biblical. Why chance it?
More importantly, why should the fact you don’t expect her to leave you matter at all? You shouldn’t need a reason to keep her around. Remember, she wasn’t the only one who took an oath. Your love for her should be motivation enough.
After all, these are little things. How hard can they be to do? I mean really?
Too hard you say? Not important enough you say?
Ask yourself this then: How hard would it be to come home one day and realize she wasn’t there any longer? How hard would it be to realize that she was gone and you were never going to get her back? How important is having her there with you at the end of the day, by your side at night, in your arms and in your heart?
When she’s gone…how much will you wish you could hold her again and simply say, “I love you”?
If you’re like me, and those like me who have lost the woman we’ve truly loved at some point in our lives, the feeling we feel when we realize what we would give to have the chance to tell her “I love you” again…that’s the feeling you should be feeling each and every time you look into your wife’s eyes. You should long for the chance. Celebrate it. Say it each time as if it means as much as it did the first time you said it, because, in fact, it means more each time.
Don’t forget the “Little Things” husbands, because if you do, you’ll remember each and every one of them when she’s gone.
By Chris Spires
Used with permission