The Marriage Covenant

Our pastor is finishing up an almost year-long series preaching through the book of Genesis. Sunday, he told us that after we have completed the last chapter, he is going to start a short series (three weeks or so) on marriage and the problems associated with it that are so rampant in the church. Scripture tells us that covenant marriage between a godly man and woman is a “type and shadow” of the relationship between Jesus Christ and His bride, the Church. Is this what we are seeing in the relationships and marriages of the Church at large today?

A couple of days ago, a Facebook friend posted the following blog post from “Grateful For Grace.” While this is a subject that is much discussed in our culture, it makes many in the church squirm with discomfort. I have written generally about this subject in the past (here and here), but never quite as straight-forward as this post is written. I trust this will resonate with you as it did with me. It is a subject that desperately needs to be addressed in the Church as there seems to be very little difference between many Christian relationships/marriages today and their non-Christian counterparts. I whole-heartedly agree with Mindy–we must live our lives “set apart” as Christians. We are commanded to live and measure our lives against a different standard–and that Standard is Jesus Christ.

Christians Dating And Sex

I keep seeing something in the outer circles of my circles. When you help run summer camps, one of the blessings is getting go to be around college age people.

I love seeing young adults finding their strengths and growing in maturity. It’s a delight to be able to invest in them. A strange thing I’ve noticed is that they get younger and younger looking every year.  Weird.

Ok, kidding aside… I have noticed something regarding Christians and sex. It breaks my heart, confuses me, and even angers me all at the same time.

I remember being a young Christian and sorting out behaviors. I also remember truly not understanding some things, Biblically. I even remember hearing some people teach anti-Biblical things and being confused.

So… let me be clear about something:

Christians should not have sex outside of marriage. Yup, seriously. No, I’m not kidding. And no, that idea is not just for Biblical times. It’s for today.

We may think this is just for dating teens, but it’s not. I am actually more concerned about the young adults who are deceived into thinking their sexual activity isn’t a big deal.

I know that our culture is immersed in sex. I know that dating without sex is difficult. I know that just about everybody is doing it.

None of those excuse sex before marriage.

Not even if two people are in love.

Not even if two people are grown adults.

Not even if two people are marrying each other soon.

Sex is for marriage. Period.

It is counter cultural, I know that. Living a life for Christ is counter-cultural.

I have a dear friend who is in her thirties and unmarried. She has never had sex. Why?  Because she is a Christian. She loves the LORD and so she honors His ways.

She went to the doctor once and the nurse practitioner didn’t believe her when she said she had never had sex and was not sexually active, that she was saving herself for marriage. The nurse was shocked.

She practically insisted my friend take the birth control offered. She just about said aloud that my friend was lying. Even when told that her faith called her to abstinence, the nurse refused to believe.

I’ve seen the shock too. As you know, I did not save sex for marriage. Once I gave my life to the LORD, it didn’t take too long for me to understand that sex was no longer an activity on the approved list. I became what was called a secondary virgin.

Paul and I didn’t have sex together before we married (though we were not honoring, which is another topic and post).

Fast forward to us being engaged: After I bought my wedding dress, I would go to the bridal shop every few days. I’d put on my beloved dress and sashay around in it. True story.

During one sashay visit, somehow the fact came out that Paul and I were going to enjoy a true wedding night (first time sex together, though maybe a true wedding night would best describe two virgins). I remember jaws dropping. None of the women, young and old, could believe that we had dated for almost three years and hadn’t had sex.

That’s when I experienced seeing shock the first time. At least it was at a secular store.  When I saw it in church, I was a bit perturbed.

I started visiting churches right after becoming a Christian. As I was a junior in college, I went to the young adults class. One day, they were discussing premarital sex.

Actually, it was like they were deciding what the answer was. Those fifteen people were making the call. And they decided that the instructions for sex only inside a marital covenant didn’t apply to the 1990s. When I raised my hand and asked, “Have you all just decided that the Bible is outdated?” Shocked faces, but silence.

I know that some young women really do believe this lie, since they might even be hearing it at church!

There are many passages that address the truth that sex outside of covenant is sexual immorality.

Acts 15:20;1 Corinthians 5:1;6:13,18;10:8;2 Corinthians 12:21;Galatians 5:19;Ephesians 5:3;Colossians 3:5;1 Thessalonians 4:3;Jude

I find it interesting that several of these passages call the Christian to be unlike the pagans. We are called to be different, for Him.

As a Christian, we should view sex the way God views it. 

It is natural for us to want to rationalize or justify our behavior, even our sin. We do it all the time, sadly. I know that we are not perfect. We are made perfect in Christ. What a delight grace is!

Romans 6:1-2 addresses this grace and call to holiness.

“What shall we say then? Are we to continue in sin so that grace may increase? May it never be! How shall we who died to sin still live in it?”

I pray that if you are sinning in this area, that you talk to The God of Grace. Ask for forgiveness. Walk in repentance. Seek the grace to stand firm in honoring God with your body in this area.

Be set apart, Christians!

By Mindy Brouse
“Grateful For Grace”
Link: http://gratefulforgrace.com/2013/05/christians-dating-and-sex/
Used with permission.

Original Content: Copyright © 2013 by Susan E. Johnson
All rights reserved

A Heritage From The Lord

“Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb is a reward.” Psalm 127:3 (NKJV)

There are very few things in life that mean as much as your parents telling you that you have done something well. Many know that another blogging effort of mine (Viking Footprints In The Snow) is dedicated to posting a series of essays my father wrote many years ago. When I first read the following essay, I had a very emotional response. I always sensed my father was pleased with how we were raising Hannah, but he was never overly effusive in his praise, being a stoic Swede and Norwegian.

I include this in hopes that, as my father did through his essay, you will take the time to tell your children when you see a job well done. And, if you have parents who gave you a good start in life, thank them for all they taught you. God gave you a treasure beyond measure.

My dearest Father, you are profoundly missed.

Susan And Hannah

“An ounce of mother is worth a pound of clergy.” Spanish Proverb

It was apparent from early on that Susan had a mind of her own. With a face on display in a photographer’s window, she looked out at traffic going by with firm and resolute gaze. That her mother had similar characteristics sometimes led to interesting confrontations.

Susan, very early, decided that she would pursue a degree in nursing, and became a very good one. Later, in her marriage to Charles, she would become assistant director of nursing in a small, northern Minnesota long-term care facility. She did not enjoy that management experience. Through many career moves for her husband, she would work well with the aged and most notably, many years of kidney dialysis, a difficult field.

After many years, it seemed that children would not come, and then a little red-head named Hannah did. It was then that Susan began to display the fine mind for mothering about which I write now.

The first that caught my eye was the interesting game of participative management that Susan used with Hannah at bedtime. When Hannah was old enough to reason about the subject of bedtime, Susan struck a unique bargain. Hannah was required to go to her bedroom at an agreed time, but was allowed to play quietly until she was ready to go to sleep. If she needed something, Hannah knocked on her door and announced her need, but did not come out. Zounds! No bedtime battle, and Hannah was soon asleep.

Charles, Susan, and Hannah have “moved around quite a bit.” To make this as seamless to Hannah as possible, Susan has kept routines to a strict and predictable daily schedule so that Hannah felt secure, even though the scenery varied. Even home schooling, with Susan as the teacher, allowed Hannah to excel while cities have changed.

I have pondered the source of Susan’s success as a mother. That she was Gwen’s “experimental model” should have left her with unsure training. That she has been successful, says that she inherited Gwen’s fine and independent mind and the courage to do what she needs to do. Gwen would be very proud of her. I am too!

Copyright © 2013 by Bruce G. Erickson/Susan E. Johnson
All rights reserved

Super Woman/Abiding Woman

I came across this via a friend on Facebook from ”The Mom Initiative.” Oh, and for the record–still working on this!

A Heart For Adoption

“I will not leave you orphans, I will come to you.” John 14:18 (NKJV)

We have just come through a holiday season where we focus on children and family. The traditions that we observe give us a sense of continuity, they give our children a sense of security, and they give us the satisfaction of passing down to the next generation that which we believe is important.

God has a heart for children and families; He places great value on both. He has put deep within every heart the desire to marry and have children. No matter what corner of the world we live in, each culture has family as foundational to its ability to thrive. A culture’s long-term survival rate is deeply dependant of the strength of its family units.

Jesus Christ, through His death on the cross and subsequent resurrection, restored us to a place in God’s family. “Having predestined us to adoption as sons by Jesus Christ to Himself, according to the good pleasure of His will, to the praise of the glory of His grace, by which He made us accepted in the Beloved. In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins, according to the riches of His grace which He made to abound toward us in all wisdom and prudence, having made known to us the mystery of His will, according to His good pleasure which He purposed in Himself.”  (Ephesians 1:5-9 NKJV).

As a result of the sin that is so evident in our culture, and in other cultures around the world, the family unit is disintegrating. We are constantly told that marriage is no longer necessary, that children don’t require both mother and father to thrive, and that family is what we make it or how we see it. Children bear the painful brunt of these sinful decisions. We don’t seem to understand the long-term consequences of our rebellion against the Scriptural tenets that God has said are so important.

My husband and I have always had a heart for adoption. As the years passed and we were not blessed with children, we often considered adoption as a means to build our family. It was with great joy that, after twelve years of marriage, we found ourselves expecting our daughter. When we realized that she was the only child God was going to bless us with, we again looked to adoption.

I know many people have had wonderful experiences with the adoption process. This was not so for us. My husband and I have always been drawn to those children that were deemed “difficult to place” either by reason of age, being part of a sibling group, or having a specific challenge. We particularly had a special place in our hearts for sibling groups.

Our first adoption attempt was with a Christian organization who placed orphans from Russia. We found a group of three siblings (two girls and a boy) who especially tugged at our hearts. I do not know how to explain how a mother’s heart can be bound in love to children she has only seen in a picture. I can only tell you that my heart was bound to these three children. I could see them living in our home. I could see them as siblings for our daughter. I could imagine their future with us. As we began to complete the mountain of paperwork necessary for a foreign adoption and prepare our home, we were able to keep track of them via the computer and the adoption agency’s website.  And then something happened. They completely disappeared from the system. We never did find out what happened to them, but were able to ascertain they were not adopted by anyone else. We understand that this problem was not entirely unheard of in the Russian state system at that time. We were deeply disappointed to have lost them.

After that experience, we began to discuss domestic adoption as we knew there were many children here in need of loving homes. We began to work with another Christian adoption agency located close to our house. After completing the paperwork, home study, and other preparatory elements, we began to look at available children. We again placed special emphasis on sibling groups. One day we received a telephone call from our social worker telling us about a picnic sponsored by Los Angeles County for parents interested in “difficult to place” children. At that time there were over one thousand adoptable children in the Los Angeles/Orange County system within this group and only ten couples who were interested in these types of children. The purpose of this picnic was to meet some of these children, get to know them, and then, if you made a special connection with one (or more) of them, you could express your interest to the social workers who would then quickly set things in motion.

We found ourselves seated at a picnic table with a social worker and a ten-year old girl.  We heard this girl ask the social worker who all the people were at the picnic and why they were there. The social worker gently explained to her that these were people who were looking for children to adopt. We saw her face light up with hope. As we sat there, we learned that the day of the picnic was also her eleventh birthday. The county had thoughtfully provided a cake for her so that we could help celebrate her birthday. I can’t tell you how I knew this, but as I saw her face light up with hope, it was as if I could see her thinking: “Maybe this year I will get a family for my birthday.” My husband and I lost our hearts to her at that moment. Her yearning for a family was palpable. After finishing our meal, we made our way to the table where the social workers were sitting, to express our interest in this girl. After taking our information, they told us to contact our adoption agency on Monday to let them know of our decision, which we did.  And then we waited, and waited, and waited for six long weeks to hear something. We made multiple calls to our social worker trying to find out what was happening and they, in turn, kept calling Los Angeles County, getting no response. We became increasingly frustrated. Finally someone from the county called our social worker to tell us that this girl was no longer available for adoption. She had been recently hospitalized after suffering an emotional breakdown. We were incredibly angry. It didn’t take much for us to come to the conclusion that this young girl’s hopes were cruelly crushed as she waited and hoped for a family that never materialized. What made us so angry is that there was a family for her–us! It was because of bureaucratic ineffectiveness and inefficiency (to put it nicely) that she suffered this unnecessary emotional trauma.

So, we had to return to the beginning of the process of paging through the book of available children. We settled on two sisters who were considered difficult to place because, not only were they part of an older sibling group, but they were considered “racially mixed.” These sisters were half Caucasian, half Hispanic and currently in foster care with a Hispanic woman who had made it clear she did not want to adopt them herself. We felt these girls were a safe emotional risk for us. Not only had their mother’s parental rights been legally terminated for abuse and neglect, but their grandmother’s custodial rights had been legally terminated for neglect, as well. It was not unusual for the issue of unresolved parental or custodial rights to complicate the adoption process. After our two previous aborted attempts at adoption and its associated heartache, we were hesitant to consider any children where we might lose them at the last moment to a legal snafu.

As we began to prepare our home for their arrival (many of our friends had generously given us clothing and we had purchased furniture for their room) the grandmother’s visitation rights were temporarily reinstated, with the proviso that these must be supervised visits. We were pleased that April and Rebecca would continue to have a connection with their birth family, as we felt this would be helpful with their adjustment to us. Then our social worker told us something that we did not recognize as problematic when we heard it. The girls’ foster mother was extremely angry that the girls were being placed with a Caucasian family and not with a Hispanic family. She was concerned that they would ultimately lose their Hispanic heritage and culture. We were also told that she particularly disliked Caucasians in general.

Our social worker assured us that this foster-mother had no say in the matter and that since we had already been approved by Los Angeles County for the girls’ adoption, we had nothing to worry about. The social worker requested that we wait until just after Christmas for April’s and Rebecca’s permanent placement in our home. We felt that letting the girls spend one last Christmas in this foster home, where they had been stable for some time, would be a good idea. We gave them our permission.

After New Years, we began calling our social worker trying to find out when we could expect the girls. As time continued to pass, we began to get extremely nervous.  Something was obviously very wrong. We can only surmise what must have happened over that Christmas holiday, but we feel that April’s and Rebecca’s foster-mother must have spoken to their grandmother during one of those supervised visits, convincing the grandmother she would never see her grandchildren again. We did learn that the girls’ grandmother had gone to court, filed an emergency petition to stop our adoption of them, and requested that her custodial rights be re-instated. She then promptly left on vacation for two weeks, thereby significantly delaying the process. Even though her custodial rights had already been legally terminated once for neglect, the judge not only heard her plea, but ruled in her favor.

This left us with an incredibly difficult decision to make. We could have fought in court for these girls, and probably would have won, but we were concerned that April and Rebecca might never forgive us if they perceived we had taken them away from their grandmother. Our other choice was to completely release our parental intent, allowing them to return to a grandmother’s care we felt likely was unsafe. There was no easy answer to this dilemma. We agonized over what we should do. One of the most difficult aspects of this was having to explain to our daughter, Hannah, that she would probably lose the two sisters she was so excited about having.

After much prayer, thought, and discussion among all three of us, we decided to release our interest in their adoption. To say that we were devastated as a family would be an incredible understatement.  We were not sure if we were willing to take the risk of going through this type of heartbreak again, so we elected to put our status at the adoption agency “on hold” until our hearts could heal. It was a full three months before we were ready to proceed once more. Just as we had restarted this process, my mother-in-law suffered a massive stroke. As we were not sure what our part in her long-term care would be, and whether this would require an out-of-state move, we elected to permanently stop any attempts at adoption with our agency.

For many years there has been a significant hole in my heart where these children should have been. I do not know why God, in His Sovereign plan, did not allow us to either have more children or adopt these which we so greatly desired. I do know however, that His plan for our lives is perfect and have since come to peace with the outcome. I have to admit, however, to some residual anger with a governmental adoption and foster-care system that is so fundamentally skewed.  I can’t imagine how many children would have or could have been placed in good, loving homes, were it not for a system that functions so badly.

One thing I know for certain, God has an eternal heart for adoption. He has adopted us into His own family and He specifically addresses in His Word the care we are to give to orphans. God values children, that is abundantly clear. He desires that we bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. He desires that they are adopted into His family for eternity. So, whether we physically adopt children into our families, or support the many fine organizations world-wide who take care of and/or place them, I would hope that we make adoption a priority in our hearts. God’s heart is for adoption.  Ours should be too.

“Bring My sons from afar, and My daughters from the ends of the earth–everyone who is called by My name, whom I have created for my glory; I have formed him, yes, I have made him.” Isaiah 43:6b-7 (NKJV)

“A father of the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in His holy habitation. God sets the solitary in families.” Psalm 68:5-6a (NKJV)

Related Video:http://vimeo.com/55307071

Copyright © 2013 by Susan E. Johnson
All rights reserved

A Woman Of Beauty

“Do not let your adornment be merely outward—arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel—rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God.” 1 Peter 3-4 (NKJV)

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

“And let the beauty of the Lord our God be upon us,
And establish the work of our hands for us;
Yes, establish the work of our hands.” Psalm 90:16 (NKJV)

My beautiful Hannah,

Today marks your 22nd birthday. What a blessing you have been to us and to those who call you friend. Every day, we thank the LORD for your presence in our lives and your love for, and service to, the King of Kings. You have worked diligently to submit your heart, committing your ways to the LORD, in order that your life would honor and please Him.

Our hearts are full of gratitude for “the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit” which God continues to develop in you. May His favor rest upon you this year as you walk in His truth and set your hands to the work He has so graciously given you.

Much love,

Mom

Copyright © 2013 by Susan E. Johnson
All rights reserved

Photograph by Ava Hill Photography; http://www.avahillphotography.com/

A Proverbs 31 Woman

“Who can find a virtuous wife? For her worth is far above rubies. The heart of her husband safely trusts her; so he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil all the days of her life.” Proverbs 30: 10-12

It could be said that Proverbs 31 is considered God’s “gold standard” for virtuous womanhood. Most women I know feel this is an impossible goal to reach. I do not believe that Proverbs 31 is so much about what a woman must “do” as it is about what a woman can “be.”  The woman depicted here is not a “shrinking violet” or a “doormat.” This is a woman who walks confidently and boldly in the gifts that God has given her and, as for her husband, she “does him good and not evil all the days of her life” (Proverbs 31:12). This is a woman who exhibits excellence in what she does, thereby blessing her husband and children in great measure. “She opens her mouth with wisdom, and on her tongue is the law of kindness. She watches over the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: ‘Many daughters have done well, but you excel them all.‘ “(Proverbs 31:26-29). This is a woman who has the confidence of her husband and has his blessing as she develops all of her God-given talents and abilities.

You might guess that I am a proponent of strong, competent, and capable women.  These women are resilient; they face life’s many challenges with faith, courage, and strength of character. The women who, with their pioneering husbands, settled our country and expanded its borders, are a perfect example of what I mean. They worked tirelessly along side of their husbands, building a place for their families, and helped to birth our nation. These women were no “hot-house flowers.”

My daughter, Hannah, comes from a long line of competent, capable, and intelligent women: a paternal great-grandmother with a Masters in Education (she wasn’t allowed to get a Masters in Mathematics, her first choice, because it wasn’t considered to be a “woman’s field” at that time); twin paternal great-aunts with Ph.D.’s in English and Literature; a maternal great-grandmother who went to the mission field as a young single woman, not marrying until her mid-thirties; and a maternal grandmother who finished her college education over a ten-year period with three small children, graduating as valedictorian of her class. With the exception of the twin great-aunts who remained single until they died at 104 years of age, the others had strong marriages of long duration and the full support of their husbands. Each one of these women loved the LORD and served Him with their whole heart. This is an incredible spiritual heritage and a testament to what a godly marriage can and should be and speaks highly of their husband’s character as well.

The Beatitudes tell us in Matthew 5:5, “Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.” For me, until recently, meekness has always been equal to “weakness.”  It seems that much of the American church also equates meekness with pacifism. The best example of meekness I have ever heard is that of a horse who is completely “rein trained.”  This horse is so well-trained, and in tune with his rider, that he is waiting for the slightest pressure of the reins on his neck to tell him which direction he is to go. This is true meekness: strength under complete control. This is how God desires to lead us by the Holy Spirit.

By this definition, a “Proverbs 31 woman” should be a “meek” woman. She walks obediently in the ways of her God, fulfilling His call on her life. She does not fear the future because she knows that God is her Protector and her Guide.  She is confident that her contribution is necessary, and is ready and willing to meet the needs of others.  Her heart is generous, and when she speaks, wisdom is evident. She fears the LORD and ministers life to those she meets. She passes down to the next generation a spiritual heritage; her legacy will be evident in the lives of all those that she has touched.

This was eloquently stated in 1852 by Edward Mansfield in “Woman:”

“There is a beautiful parallelism between the condition of woman in her domestic life, and the character of a nation. She is the mother of men, and the former of their minds, at that early age when every word distils upon the heart, like the dew-drop upon the tender grass. There is to that young mind no truth or falsehood in the world but that whose words flow from the mother’s lips. There is no beauty in character, nor glory in action, which has not been concentrated by her praise. There is to that climbing child no path where the mother’s feet has not trod. Her mind is to his the supernatural pillar of fire which illumines his mid-night ignorance, and the silvery cloud which at mid-day precedes him in every highway to the world.

And, even when science has conducted her pupil through the highest walls of knowledge; or when art has polished him into the accomplished citizen; or when power has dignified him with the memorials of office, she still lives in his soul, which she has imbued from her heart’s ‘pictured urn, With thoughts that breathe, and words that burn.”

Many women tend to think their professional contribution is more important than their contributions at home. Nothing could be farther from the truth. It is easy for us to focus on ever-increasing piles of laundry and dishes or the never-ending housework. It would be easy to overlook those “teachable moments” when our children’s hearts are wide open and ready to receive godly wisdom. The seeds of wisdom we plant in each of those moments bears eternal fruit. And, they will continue to bear fruit for succeeding generations as our children pass down to their children that which we have so carefully taught them.

In a perfect world (alas, I don’t live in one!) I would do all of these things well every day. Of course this doesn’t happen, but each day I can do my best as God enables me. The rest I must leave in God’s hands.  And when I fail, which I regularly do, His grace, mercy, and forgiveness allow me to start the next day with a clean slate.

My husband will tell you that a strong man generally desires a strong woman for his wife. He recognizes that, like two horses in harness, both must be strong or the team will fail to run the race that is set before them. In our culture, we tend to define strong women as bossy, boisterous, and pushy, but God sees a strong woman as one who has been tempered as steel and refined like silver. It is His manifested presence in a woman that makes her strong. It is not a personality trait but a heart issue.

It is the heart of a “Proverbs 31″ woman that makes her home a safe haven for her family; a place of peace where they can find rest from the struggles of their lives. It is the quiet strength of her heart that soothes her husband and children when their hearts are filled with pain. It is the godly wisdom in her heart they turn to when confusion fills their minds and they don’t know what to do. It is her heart, completely captivated by the love of her Saviour, that is the conduit of His love for them. It is her heart, where the King of Kings reigns, which gives her the strength to become a “Proverbs 31 woman.”

“Then justice will dwell in the wilderness, and righteousness remain in the fruitful field.  The work of righteousness will be peace, and the effect of righteousness, quietness and assurance for ever.  My people will dwell in a peaceful habitation, in secure dwellings, and in quiet resting places.”  Isaiah 32: 16-18 (NKJV)

Copyright © 2012 by Susan E. Johnson
All rights reserved

Gone But Not Forgotten

“When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things.” 1 Corinthians 13:11 (NKJV)

“To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven.” Ecclesiastes 3:1 (NKJV)

As of the middle of last week, my husband and I are now officially “empty nesters.” We moved our daughter, Hannah, into her new apartment, along with her two cats, and enough of our “late relative, early attic” furniture from upstairs to leave a fair amount of open space in several rooms. The house has a certain eery emptiness about it that is taking some getting used to. Now, Hannah has been gone more than she has been home for the past four years during her college experience, but we always knew that, at least for short bursts of time, she would return home. Not so now.

In a recent post, “Losing A Daughter,” I related a humorous conversation between my husband and Hannah about this very topic. Hannah has, admittedly, had a mixture of excitement and nervousness about the moving out process. She is a responsible and capable young lady who understands some of what awaits her in the adventure called “adulthood.” Like most, she is not entirely sure that even though prepared, she is prepared quite enough.

It seems that parents run the gamut of how they relate to this expected event in the lives of their children. Some can’t wait for the door to slam that final time, as their son or daughter eagerly throws off parental authority and involvement. On the opposite end are those parents who can’t (or won’t) let go, seeking to stop time and keep their children from growing up and away from them. Obviously, neither of these is the ideal way to cope with what inevitably must happen: our children grow up and lead a life separate from our own.

Admittedly, from conversations I have had with other parents, I am struggling much less with this change than most I have talked to. Whether it is because Hannah maintains a very close relationship to us, calling daily, or because this is what I have been preparing for since she was small, I don’t know.

We are blessed to know that Hannah is exactly where God wants her to be, doing exactly what He wants her to do. And each day God will reveal to her the next steps she must take. God has planned a bright future for her, one which she is determined to walk into with an obedient heart. She can have confidence that He has ordained those friendships which will sustain her. She can have confidence that He is preparing a young man to share her future. She can have confidence that He will guide her to where she can serve Him best, using all the gifts, talents, and abilities He has so graciously bestowed on her. God’s Hand is resting on her as she enters this new season of her life.

And even though she is gone, she is most definitely not forgotten.

Copyright © 2012 by Susan E. Johnson
All rights reserved

Sweet Tarts

“You have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” Matthew 5:27-28 (NKJV)

“But each one is tempted when he is drawn away by his own desires and enticed. Then, when desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, brings forth death.” James 1:14-15 (NKJV)

A little over two months ago, my director at work sent an e-mail to our department reminding us that we were to dress professionally and appropriately at all times. It seems members of my department had gotten a bit lax in their attire, wearing clothing that did not represent the hospital well.

Fast forward to last week as we were driving into the parking lot at church. As we pulled in, we saw a young couple–mid-twenties I would suppose–walking hand in hand towards the front door. The young woman was dressed in spike heels and a very short skirt in which you could ascertain she was wearing rather “racy” underwear. It was my daughter who first commented about this attire and its inappropriateness for a Sunday morning, but my husband also noticed, making a similar statement.

Now, Hannah and I have had multiple conversations regarding proper attire for young ladies. She was brought up to wear modest clothing, as were her friends, so this is not an issue that I have ever had to discipline her about. I am well aware that within the Christian community there is often wide disagreement over what is considered sufficiently modest attire. I don’t intend to get too specific here, but I do want to address something that continually bothers me in the church at large:

Why aren’t we teaching women, at home and at church, what is an appropriate way to dress in order to honor Jesus Christ?

I know that you see this in your church as I do every Sunday: women and girls wearing clothing that is too low, too tight, too short, too revealing. Six inch spike heels that were once the domain of “street walkers” are now considered fashionable. We dress our little girls in clothing that, on an adult, would be considered enticing.

What are we thinking?

Are we thinking at all?

There is only one reason to dress this way. It is to secure the attention of men, and secure their attention sexually. Men are visual creatures and highly susceptible to what they see. God made them that way. So, I would ask you, if you are dressing this way, what is it you hope to accomplish? Do you know that what you are telling a man is that you believe this is the most important aspect of yourself you have to offer? Are you drawing the type of man you hope to attract? And when you get his attention, how will you keep him if this is what he desires most out of a relationship?

We live in a highly sexualized culture. There is no getting around that. The temptations for men and women are everywhere. Those temptations should not also be in the church. We shouldn’t be “trolling” every Sunday morning. We are there to lift the name of Jesus Christ in worship. We are there to grow spiritually; to mature in our relationship with Christ. How can a man do this if he is constantly (or worse yet, not even bothering) fighting the visual temptation that is all around him?

You don’t have to go very far to read about the latest example of sexual sin in the church. It is rampant. Not only do we have pastors engaging in behavior that is definitely not Christ-like, but there are committed Christian couples engaging in a physical relationship, and some even openly living together, before marriage. Why do we no longer consider this to be sin in our churches? Is it because we don’t want anyone messing with our “fun?”

Women have to set the example, otherwise, men will have a (reasonable) expectation that what we are “advertising” is also “for sale.” We shouldn’t then be surprised when they try to “buy” it.

It is time to draw a line in the sand.

Copyright © 2012 by Susan E. Johnson
All rights reserved

Excellant blog with related material on this subject by Linda Liebert: Heart to Heart Talks

Related articles

• Fighting for Purity (jasoncrandall.org)
• Finding What You’re Looking for (momsfirstscreenn.wordpress.com)

Food In Due Season

For those of you who may be interested, I have begun a new blogging adventure as a way of passing down to my daughter, Hannah, all of our favorite family recipes. Now that she is getting ever closer to moving into an apartment of her own, she will need just a bit of “home” to help remind her that, even though she is launching out into adulthood, she takes a part of her heritage with her every time she makes one of these recipes. I have included the link below to the inaugural post from last week.

Food In Due Season from Manoah’s Wife Cooks.

Bon Appetite!

Manoah’s Wife

Food In Due Season

“These all wait for You, that You may give them their food in due season, what You give them they gather in; You open Your hand, they are filled with good.” Psalm 104:27-28 (NKJV)

It somehow seems appropriate to discuss the subject of food.  Everywhere we look there are advertisements for food items to give as gifts, ideas for food to eat at parties, and recipes to serve at our dinners with guests in attendance.  Cookbooks abound for every season, occasion, and cuisine. We even have an entire cable channel devoted to food; programs with chefs whipping up delectable food meant to bring joy and happiness into our lives, showcasing those foods we absolutely must serve to our families and friends in order to make the holidays another memorable event.

I have to admit to having some unresolved issues on the subject of food and nutrition.  For women, feeding our families is a tangible sign of our love, just as a man’s provision and protection are a sign of his.  Food is not always a straight-forward subject for us.  Food is often tied up in social, emotional, and spiritual issues. Most of our social gatherings take place around food, we eat when we are stressed, lonely, or upset, or we do not control our appetites when we eat (eating out of habit instead of hunger) as we cook for growing children and hungry husbands.  All of these can then lead to a physical and/or spiritual imbalance in our lives.

I started cooking for my family at a fairly young age.  My mother returned to college when I was in first grade, and over the next ten years, completed her Bachelor’s degree while raising three children (she had married at age 19).  Gradually, as I grew older, more of the cooking fell to me while she was in class or studying, finally taking over the preparation of the weekday meals as she began teaching in order to help pay for our upcoming college expenses.  My mother was an excellent cook, although she never really enjoyed it much. The irony here is that she earned her Bachelor’s degree in Home Economics and went on to teach cooking, sewing, and child developement in a large high school, eventually becoming the department chair.

My mother had strong opinions about food and nutrition (and other subjects, as well!).  We were frequent guinea pigs for many new recipes that featured foods she believed were “good for us.”  She was particularly convinced, in those days, that liver was an excellent source of iron and nutrition, experimenting with multiple liver recipes hoping to tempt us.  I can still remember vividly her attempt at a new liver loaf recipe–this is not a pleasant memory.

Like many others of my age, I come from the “clean your plate” generation.  The concept of “clean your plate” was born as a result of the Great Depression and the wide-spread lack which occurred in those years. It is no doubt that the fear of not having enough to eat was very real as parents struggled to feed their families in the face of great financial lack, something many of us are beginning to understand today in the face of our current economic climate. We were encouraged to eat everything on our plates whether we liked it or not and even whether we were hungry or not. I believe that this was one of the foundational elements of some of the health issues we are seeing today.  We have not always accurately applied Godly wisdom to what we eat, how we eat, or when we eat.

In addition, as women have returned to the work force in ever greater numbers, the need for fast, convenient foods has given birth to a food industry that doesn’t really have our best interests at heart. Rarely any longer, do women make things “from scratch” as in previous years.  Instead women tend to open cans, microwave frozen food, or stop for “take-out” with increasing frequency as our lives have become busier. Corporations and restaurants that provide this convenience have actively encouraged women to spend less time in the kitchen as we eat more and more of what I call their “plastic” food.  Also, more of us have become “city dwellers” with limited access to the good nutritious food of previous generations. We have lost touch with the production of our food, only understanding that it comes from large grocery stores in brightly colored packages.  The results to our health as a nation are pretty obvious.

No matter where you turn you can read about the “right” answer to our nutritional needs. The U.S. government has its food pyramid, there are low fat, high fat, low carb, high carb, low protein, high protein, no red meat, no pork, vegan, vegetarian, and no sugar diets, with every conceivable dietary combination in-between.  Each nutritional plan and diet is documented with convincing nutritional research, its proponents speaking with the utmost authority.  No wonder most of us are confused.

I will be the first to admit that I have not always done as good a job in this area for my family as I should have.  I have often struggled with the drudgery of daily meal planning, cooking, and cleaning up. And while I still cook predominately from “scratch,” I have not rightly discerned God’s true purpose for food.

The Bible actually speaks a fair amount about food.  We can be assured that God does have an opinion on the subject. God provided manna and quail as the Israelites wandered in the wilderness for forty years. When God brought the Israelites into the promised land, He brought them into a land of “milk and honey”.  In Leviticus 23, God mandated times of feasts that were meant to be “holy convocations.” Leviticus 11 speaks in great detail about dietary laws. The Bible has numerous references in both the Old and New Testaments regarding this subject.

Recently I have begun to realize that my views about our physical nature have been entirely wrong.  The church has done an exemplary job of emphasizing the sinful nature of our flesh, but has done very little to teach us how we should be good stewards of this body that God obviously sees value in. We have given “lip service” to the fact that our bodies are meant to be the temple for the Holy Spirit, but we don’t really treat them that way. In actuality, many of us treat our bodies more like  “junk” cars rather than the “Rolls Royce” that He created.  We usually don’t  discern the necessary balance between treating them with respect versus worshipping the physical body, as is prevalent in our culture today.

God has given us a variety of food for our enjoyment.  He desires that the times of fellowship around the dinner table should strengthen our ties with each other, binding us closer together.  God created a definite spiritual element to the breaking of bread with each other.

In this era of tables ladened with a bounty of all types of foods, I am reminded once again of the need to bring into balance this area of my life that has been so often out of balance.  I am striving to work on rightly discerning the principles about this issue that God has set down in His Word and then daily apply them to my life.  It takes a lot of work to overcome the many distractions, not only of our holiday seasons, but also within the greater culture, in order to do that.  The temptations that face us daily are often difficult to ignore and resist.  Clearly, it will only be through His grace, mercy, and strength that this can be accomplished.

Thus, I have come to these basic conclusions: eat food as close the way God has made it as possible (without the chemicals and preservatives that are in most of the food that we eat), drink pure water, eat everything in moderation, eat when I am hungry, enjoy the food that God has so graciously given, and have occasional feast days to celebrate His goodness.  If I can follow these simple guidelines, then I will begin to restore balance in this area of my life, leaving the rest to the daily direction of the Holy Spirit.  Sounds like the makings of a resolution to me!

“And do not seek what you should eat or what you should drink, nor have an anxious mind. For all these things the nations of the world seek after, and your Father knows that you need these things.  But seek the kingdom of God, and all these things shall be added to you.” Luke 12:29-30 (NKJV)

Copyright © 2012 by Susan E. Johnson
All rights reserved

Charming Eccentricities

“A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones.” Proverbs 17:22 (KJV)

When the day comes for Hannah to marry and have children of her own, she will likely tell them all about her parents many “charming eccentricities.” She will pass along to them the humorous tales of our quirks and the accumulated treasure of one-liners which makes up our family’s many ”inside jokes.” For us, these have been gleaned from favorite movies, sermons, books, and assorted other sources. They bind us together with the commonality of a shared sense of humor.

Growing up, my family was no different. My father’s sense of humor was “legend.” He used his favorite sayings often and they were always met with groans of “DAAAAD!” from his three progeny. Below, I have included just a few of the many we heard as we trod our path from infancy to adulthood.

Father, I hope you are listening from Heaven.

“Welcome to the adult world.”  I hated hearing this one. It meant that he thought I was whining and he was telling me to grow up!

“You can’t get there from here.”  His response to problems with no immediately presentable solution, or if he wanted to tell you that it just couldn’t be done (that way).

“I love life and I want to live.” There is a song by this name which my Dad sang (or threatened to sing) often. It is an annoying little ditty of sappy sentimentality which we all hated. This is, of course, why he sang it so often with such delight!

“I don’t understand all I know about this.” Equivalent to his scratching his head as he pondered various options–or wanting you to think he was (pondering), because he already knew the answer.

“Beautimus.”  Technically taken from my sister who supposedly originated this phrase. He used it to express pleasure for an appreciated object or event.

“Oh, nertz….Oy vey….Judas Priest!“ Raised a good Baptist, four letter words were not an option. These were his acceptable alternatives.

“She had an hourglass figure, and it was about 11:30 at night.” All right, so this probably needs no explanation. Usually applied to those women who drifted towards the “battle-axe” end of the spectrum–primarily in personality, but with the physical attributes to match.

“This is NOT a gymnasium.” Need I tell you what we were doing that elicited this response? Are there children anywhere who don’t jump on the furniture?

“Learn to suffer, kid.” See number 1.

“My mother didn’t give me that much money.” (Or the variant, “My mother works third shift at the foundry.”) Used when presented with a bill and he wanted to make a statement about the cost. Or conversely, as a means of making a clerk, waiter, or waitress laugh.

“That questions my answer.” Invariably, people would give my dad a puzzled look, not always sure if he had inadvertently swapped his words around, or he was actually joking about the fact that their answer didn’t clear things up one bit.

“Are you bragging or complaining?” My father’s oh-so-subtle (or not) approach to telling you that he “had your number.”

And last, but not least:

“If you know, then why don’t you do?” I can’t count how many times I must have told my dad, “I know, Dad!” and he countered with this phrase.

Certainly not an exhaustive list, but enough to give you an idea of what I had to put up with as a child. I know, you all feel so sorry for me. . .

Growing up with laughter in my family was an incredible blessing. What I wouldn’t give to hear my father say any of these,

Just one more time. . .

Copyright © 2012 by Susan E. Johnson
All rights reserved

(A special thanks to my sister, Ruth, for her invaluable help in compiling this list. As she told me, “It all comes back to you complete with the right inflections once you see it, right?”)

Related Article: “Quotable Quotes” from “Viking Footprints In The Snow.”