- MARY POPPINS
By the time the wind has blown the weather vane around
I’ll show you if I can
No matter what the circumstance for one thing I’m renowned
My character is spit spot spic and span
I’m practically perfect in every way
So people say
Each virtue virtually knows no bound each trait is great and patiently sound
I’m practically perfect from head to toe
If I had a fault it would never dare to show
I’m so practically perfect in every way
Both prim and proper and never too stern
Well-educated yet willing to learn
I’m clean and honest my manner refined
and I wear shoes of the sensible kind
I suffer no nonsense and whilst I remain
there’s nothing else I feel I need to explain
I’m practically perfect in every way
Practically perfect that’s my forte
uncanny nannies are hard to find
Unique yet meek unspeakably kind
I’m practically perfect not slightly soiled
running like an engine that’s just been freshly oiled
I’m so practically perfect in every way
(Robert B. Sherman and Richard M Sherman; Composers and Lyricists)
I remember watching the movie “Mary Poppins” when I was much younger and dreaming of the day when I would be perfect and beautiful like her. She was always so kind, so wise, and so unflappable even in the most unusual circumstances. She was the epitome of all that I hoped to be.
Strong perfectionist tendencies run in my family and I have struggled with them all of my life. As I have grown older, I have come to understand what perfectionism really is. It is a perversion of what God originally intended: the pursuit of excellence in all that He sets before us to do. Perfectionism is deeply rooted in pride. It is based on the assumption that if you work hard enough or work smart enough, you will never make a mistake; each task, each decision, each relationship will be perfect. This is, of course, never possible. The sin nature that we struggle with daily always prevents it. As we come face to face with the gap between what we are and what we want to be (or think we should be), our lives become a never-ending series of disappointments. We can never achieve, never fulfill, and never accomplish what we want to or expect that we should.
Perfectionism is always destructive, despite what psychologists may believe and say, because pride is its root cause. You are constantly aware of how far you fall short of what you expect of yourself or of what you believe others expect of you. This becomes growing self-contempt which leads to self-punishment and then to depression or bitterness, as both real and perceived failures result in the continual erosion of your confidence and sense of worth. When you believe that every situation’s outcome depends on what you do, the pressure to work even harder becomes increasingly more intense; you expect that your efforts will make everything “right”.
The pride of perfectionism is very clear. You act as judge and jury for each action, sentencing yourself to what you see as deserved punishment when you don’t succeed. There is no room in this pattern of behavior for the love, mercy, and forgiveness of God because you have already passed judgement and found yourself guilty. You are deceived into believing that you can make yourself ”good enough” if you just keep trying harder.
What God requires of us is excellence in each task He sets before us, not perfection. Our behavior should reflect our role as an ambassador for Him; we need to mirror Christ’s nature and character. For those with strong perfectionist tendencies, the line between the pursuit of excellence and the drive for perfection is often blurred. It is easy to slip over that invisible line without even realizing it. Fundamentally, this is what perfectionism is: striving to make ourselves (and others) perfect through our own efforts and will.
Over the years I have struggled with perfectionism in many areas of my life. Some of these areas I have come to peace with, while there are others that I still struggle with. One of my more recent struggles has been with computers and technology. I came to use computers later in life. Twenty years ago when I left the work force to give birth to our daughter, computers were just beginning to be used in nursing care for charting in the medical record. At home, I rarely used our computer, and when I did, it was for basic e-mail functions and an occassional internet search. My daughter will tell you how often she tried, over a three-year period, to teach me how to “copy-paste” something, with very little success. I would understand her directions, but because I rarely used it, I would then forget how to ”copy-paste” the next time I needed to. Don’t ask me why I never wrote it down– seems like that would have solved the whole problem!
It wasn’t until I returned to nursing about four years ago that I had to finally come up to speed with some elementary computer skills. The learning curve has been pretty steep, and I still do some rather foolish things (like deleting items that never should have been deleted!) far more regularly than I want to admit. One of the reasons that I have struggled in this area is because I have seen how easily my daughter and others of her generation have learned the “ins and outs” of computer use. It almost seems as if they have some innate sense of what to do and how to do it. Shouldn’t they have to learn it the hard way like I did? Clearly, if I was smarter (or more perfect) I should be a computer expert by now!
Obviously, this is quite ridiculous, as anyone can see. It is however, indicative of the heart of a perfectionist. The person driven by perfectionism doesn’t see what is a reasonable goal or a realistic outcome. The perfectionist also applies to others the same standards of “perfection” that he applies to himself. No one ever completely measures up to this standard, thus putting those relationships at risk. When our standard is wrong, our results will be wrong. This is always a “no-win” situation.
There is only One who is perfect in every way. The men and women in Biblical accounts that God holds up to us as examples of what He considers “perfect” and “blameless” (Noah, Moses, David, Abraham, Joseph, Daniel, Solomon, Paul, Peter, and many others) shared a common determination. They purposefully and faithfully walked with God, pursuing Him with their whole hearts; they were quick to repent when they sinned. Even though their behavior was not perfect, God judged their heart attitude as “perfect”. When we view our lives from God’s perspective, we see that a humble heart that seeks to walk with God is far more important to Him than perfect behavior. If our heart is right with God, then our behavior will be right as well.
The perfectionist’s heart and mind are rarely at rest. It takes great effort to shut down that internal drive to set everything perfectly in its place. Someone driven by perfectionism never completely relaxes because he is always seeing life’s many imperfections and keeps working diligently to “fix” them. Learning to trust God and letting go is the ever-present challenge.
This is obviously something that I can not do in my own strength. With the grace and mercy of God, I renew my purpose to let the Holy Spirit push the remaining vestiges of perfectionism from my life, restoring balance to those areas of my life that are still out of balance. The older I get, and the more God reveals Himself to me through His Word and by His Spirit, the more odious the sin of perfectionism becomes to me. When I feel that I haven’t measured up, I want to be able to say with increasing regularity (and with a twinkle in my eye), “Once again perfection slips from my grasp! Not to worry, God has things well under control.” I want my heart to find rest. I need to finally be at peace with how God has created me.
“I am not what I might be, I am not what I ought to be, I am not what I wish to be, I am not what I hope to be; but thank God I am not what I once was, and I can say with the great apostle, ‘By the grace of God I am what I am.’” ~ John Newton (1725 – 1807)
“Noah was a just man, perfect in his generations. Noah walked with God.” Genesis 6:9b (NKJV)
“Now may the God of peace who brought up our Lord Jesus from the dead, that great Shepherd of the sheep, through the blood of the everlasting covenant, make you complete in every good work to do His will, working in you what is well pleasing in His sight, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory forever and ever. Amen.” Hebrews 13:20-21 (NKJV)
Related Content: http://americanvision.org/3881/slumbering-in-the-slough/
Copyright © 2011 by Susan E. Johnson
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